Reaching Out for Love
Free Falling
Moisturized hands, blown
By unmoisturizing wind.
Skyline of blue and white,
Blending, mixing,
Crystal clearness becomes one.
Skin crawls. Skin reacts.
Skin listens but does not hear.
Perhaps vice versa.
Water pulses, pulsates more like
the inhumaness that breeds feelings.
Reaction stemming from neural cortexes of
Deadness, darkness. Nothingness.
Meaningless yet meaningful, a paradox of human nature.
A testament of contradiction.
Eyes hear. Ears taste. Tongue sees.
Liver feels. Alive. Dead. Light. Enevitable darkness.
-Written by Aaron Teoh, 20th December 2006
What do you think? Weird? Its free verse, and messy free verse at that. I wrote this in Melbourne, Australia. I haven't updated properly in awhile and I don't suppose this is going to be anything proper. I'm at an end of sanity or at least I feel like I am. I am forced to ponder on subjects that drive me into constant brooding. A weird feeling that is contradictory; for I feel the need to be alone yet crave for contact. I have begun my delve into Raymond E. Feist's books as of late and you will forgive my almost novel like descriptions that see to dramatize my thoughts. Something that will either be tiresome or interesting to read. I hope on the latter but expect to be dissapointed.
My mind see fits to house what seems to be a tornado or some other natural disaster that is screwing with me. Yesterday or rather last night I gave in to an outburst, childish, child like, and adult at the same time. Raw. That would be the word for it. A surge of emotions came forth, so much so that I think that the human mind i was given was too limited to encompass, at least at present state. Sadness, lonliness, anger, frustration, guilt, a sense of justice, fairness. Hurt. They come crashing as would a wave against a rock at high tide. When the body is slow, the mind moves fast. Incredibly fast. Churning out more questions than I can ever hope to answer. What happens when a person is faced to do the right thing? Now I have always been a staunch supporter of the right things. I have my own share of fuck ups, maybe more so than others, and im sure many a friend can attest to that. I've always had some sense of order, some understanding of what has to be done, for the greater good, or for plain justice sake. Honour or pride as you might call it. But it stands confounded by actions which cannot be undone. How does one make the right decision? I've condemned many for not doing the right and honourable thing. It has always been a simple things, like pulling off a bandage, fast and let it be over with. But what if the wound is left wide open?
Its always been simple... Why did you allow yourself to dwell on it? It is a memory, a haunting one that keeps coming back, again and again. It is apparent in things that should bring no recollection whatsoever. You allow yourself, you fool. You weak willed fool...
It happens only when you haven't gone as far as you want to, or when you do. Funny... It hooks you either way...
"The tongue, it pays for its meals." Quote from a poem written by a friend of mine, Gary Ooi.
"I don't know why but it keeps coming back to me." Quote from The Coffin is too big for the Hole"
Forgive the quotations, this is just another rambling and everything I'm writing is impromptu, save for the poem at the begining. Like Adam before the fruit, its taste will forever linger. I bet the fruit tasted better because he wasn't supposed to eat it. He might have even thought it fun. What harm is fun indeed? The young have only time do they not? Are they to be pestered to grow up so quickly? I take pride in maturity. But I am young. I am no more an adult than you warrant me to be, am I then to take the responsibility of one? Is the right thing to be done? By one who has striven to do his best and seek that balance that forever will be out of reach? Words fail me. One of very few times, words fail to come. A song comes to mind. Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional.
Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep
This air is blessed you share with me
This night is wild, so calm and dull
These hearts, they race from selfcontrol
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours, to fill or burst
To break or bury
Or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer
The words are hushed, let's not get busted
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered
Safe in here from all those stupid questions,
"Hey, did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb...
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close
They can't hear... so we can get some
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours, to fill or burst
To break or bury
Or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer
Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember
Always remember the sound of the stereo
Dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair
That you twirled in your fingers, and
The time on the clock when we realized it was so late
And this walk that we shared together
The streets were wet, and the gate was locked
So i jumped in and let you in
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it, that you meant it
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it, that you meant it
So ends the rant, at least for now. Good day and goodnight.
7:00 PM
Reaching Out for Love
Weekend Indeed!
Woot! Here's to a good weekend. I haven't seen this site in ages... I'm hoping to be able to bring it back to life. My parents went to Sibu for the weekend and of course this meant freedom for me and william, especially since william can drive, ONLY in Melawati *wink wink* Hehe. So on Friday we met up with ALOT of old friends. First of was Kevan. Now with all this time i think that NONE of us have changed. Seriously. He looks the same! Come to think of it I look the same! William, Darren, Billy, Jitz, THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! Anyway, we met up with Kevan in Setiawangsa, brought his ass back to Melawati and there he began to lecture me abt smoking. Hahaha. Same old Kevan, just for notes, I'm a social smoker, not a chain smoker. Anyway back to the story, same old Kevan... or issit? That bastard smokes Sampoerna! Another cigg brand. Hahaha.
So off we go to the mamak to get food and cigg's. We get back home and go out back to 'breathe'. It is now that i realize that William has quite a sissified way of smoking. Hahaha. He smokes like a drag queen! HAHAH! This then leads to an exhange of lame jokes between me and Kevan. Hahaha. William hates them but I love them and so does Kevan apparently. Hahaha.
We got ready, and went off to The Curve for the battle of the bands, quite well dressed I must say. We were overdressed for the occasion though. OOH! A fight broke out between these two guys and the guards! DAMN funny! They taking chairs and umbrella wanna go fight!!! Hahaha. Damn entertaining. The Battle of the Bands sucked though. They've got good players la... just bad singers. We went to Hartamas pretty soon after for drinks. We went to The Blackhole. It was the soft opening and the person in charge named Stanley got us a free jug. He's the owner's brother. I had a screwdriver... pretty good. Kevan got damn high. Damn funny. The rest of the night was Counter strike, lots of smoking and before all of that, Indo mee. Which was really really good. I'm telling you the alcohol has something to do with it. We ended up going home at wat..... 6? Hahaha. It was a good weekend.
10:33 PM
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