I
miss
you!
Navigations above *points up*
I was born to tell you I love you...
I'm sorry I took so long...
for my baby;
Lady of perfection,
Do not be afraid.
You are not alone.
You have me to share your bed.
Lay the bed and set it up,
In crimson or in white.
Lay you down as so do I,
In brilliant blinding light.
If death comes for you.
Let it take me too.
Without you there is no life.
For I have life in you.
Had a very weird dream last night... Can't remember all of it although bits and pieces have floated up from the depths of my blur and murky water that is my mind. I was in a mall... no i was with some friends in my college library! Yes yes... and i decided to go up first or something like tat... and when i went up, i met another friend of mine and we went into a mall (which was right outside the library, as if u walked out of the library into a mall) and she had to get something for a mutual friend of ours... then we ended up going into an arcade where for some reason i was topless with a towel around my neck... and there was some weird ass game where you had to drive a car whilst having someone ride on your hood, obstructing some of your view as you drove. *sigh* like i said no sense at all. There are probably bits and pieces that i can't remember... what am i saying, there ARE bits and pieces that i can't remember but thats the genereal gist of it.
Somehow i think when we're caught in the moment, we believe anything. Quoting John Travolta from his brilliant character in Swordfish, "How do you think Houdini made anything vanish into thin air with a hundred spectators watching his every move? Misdirection Stanley. What the eyes see and the ears hear, the mind believes."
And I have to agree. Misdirection. That's what gets us all the time. Its probably the mother of all fuck ups. Being preoccupied with something else, we don't realize what's happening. How many times has that happened to us? I can't remember the number of times it happened to me! When something happens , and you really really want it to happen, nothing else matters anymore. Reality, dreams, its all the same. Truth, lies, its all the same. I know im not really going anywhere with this its just some thoughts i needed to get out of my head. Misdirection. That's all it is.
I have found my driving force. Hehe. Oh if you're wondering for what i have dedicated myself to actually exercising during the hols and have a better build when i go back to college. As in good enough that you can see the difference from when before the holidays. Anyway, back to this driving force I was talking about. I shall not say what it is but it is working wonders. It doesn't matter what mood im in. Happy, sad, angry, whatever. It is a source of strength, inspiration and whatever other crap you can think of that will make it sound really corny. I'm not sure what else to say la, so i'll just go. bye ppl...
I dare say, the lost poet is back...
Wings and Strings
Wings that once held you up, now they seem so small.
They stand here as a monument, that beheld you fall.
Eternity can span a lifetime or a second’s bliss.
I would give up all the wings for just a simple kiss.
String me up and cut me down, I am nothing but a puppet.
Nothing but a whimpering dog that seeks your tender comfort.
Singe my wings and burn my strings with fire from a stick,
I wish that I could be the smoke to caress your tender lips.
Take my hand, stay with me, alas I know you can’t.
Can’t or won’t it matters not. I lay forgotten without want.
The wings that held me up were nothing but illusion.You’ve become the strings that tie and bind all my decisions.
-Written by Aaron Teoh. 17th July 2006.
Well I'm not really going to talk about what I've been doing rather I just feel like i need a place to rant and ask questions even if no one has the answer.
Lately I've realized that no matter how much i deny it, I am in fact still a kid... I'm nothing but a 17 year old boy. And lately i've been going through some stuff... feelings, situations and stuff like that... your typical tennage problems one might say. And i have made the discovery that no matter how noble i make myself out to be, i am limited as a 17 year old guy and with that I am fickle. Very very fickle. I've come to a point where i question my every judgement. I think I'm sure about it then im not anymore.... If I'm being vague about the details, its because i want to be. *sigh*... Its like i can't be sure about anything anymore... I don't know whats happening, i don't know what i'm feeling, i don't know why I'm feeling it... Its like... You've had the feeling before... and it turned out to be nothing but bullshit that found its way out of your system in matter of days... and now the feeling has come again... its different but you're not entirely sure.... you're telling yourself, "you're a 17 yr old fickle guy... push it aside" and i do... then something else happens and that voice says again "hey, don't kid urself, its nothing. Pull urself together. Push it aside" So i do... then another thing comes along and it seems that you're affected then that voice says... "hey man, chill. It'll pass... don't get attached; don't get hurt. Push it aside" so i do...
How many times do i have to push it aside? How many times does it have to happen? Is something happening? is nothing happening? is something going to happen? am i right? am i wrong? What the fuck is going on?! Someone tell me for fucks sake! TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! Why the hell don't i know?
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