I
miss
you!
Navigations above *points up*
I was born to tell you I love you...
I'm sorry I took so long...
for my baby;
Lady of perfection,
Do not be afraid.
You are not alone.
You have me to share your bed.
Lay the bed and set it up,
In crimson or in white.
Lay you down as so do I,
In brilliant blinding light.
If death comes for you.
Let it take me too.
Without you there is no life.
For I have life in you.
Ok. I really don't feel like blogging, but i have to update la. So according to the titile, i shall go by order. First the scary movie. I watched Shutter with Yi Sin, Ching Loong and William. I never wanna watch it again. That is some freaky shit. When we went to buy the tickets, the girl was like, "Sorry, this is an 18 movie." But then Yi Sin says "I have a drivers lisence" then she lets us buy the tickets. Hahaha. Cos well, he does have a drivers lisence. He migrated to NZ and over there, you can drive at 16. Hahaha. So it wasn't a lie. It was a statement. Anyway, the movie is freaky la. I never wanna look in a mirror again.
Hey!! You know what? This Christmas has been a very different one and well I can say that I actually enjoyed it. A day in which I would've spent rotting in my room or listening to my parents friends talking was spent with good company. To all the carollers, thanks, you made a very boring day into a very memorable day. After carolling i had to go back home obviously, and there was like nothing to do, and no one i had to entertain, so basically, I'm wondering why i didn't go carolling in Steak house!!! ARGH!!! Damnit! Ah well. So I was condemned to a VERY boring christmas when Kenneth, Chelsea and Ijah showed up! Yay! In other wirds, the ppl living on the other side of KL. The rest (Subang ppl, chieh, hehehe) are in Max's hse. No fair. Anywayz, thank you Kenneth, Chelsea and Ijah soooo much!!! It was really boring till you guys showed up. And even though you guys were trying to leave at 11 and ended up leaving at 1.30 (really sorry abt that) I'm not sure if you enjoyed it but I really did and I would just like to thank you guys!!! I'm gonna mis you guys so much since ur not gonna be coming back next sem, but its good to know you guys will still be around la. THANKS!!! And Merry Chris--- errr.... BOXING DAY!!!
*SIGH... Well party is just over and its really not that bad la, but i didn't really enjoy it. The food was good though. And had some fun in the pool. But i don't know la. Didn't really enjoy it. I just realised that everyone else is more concerned abt who the new couples are and well i find that quite sad and desperate la sorry to say. I mean, who gives a fuck if you're going out with her? Sheesh. I don't really have much to say so I'll just type giberish...
Ooh, we watched it in Sunway, there were these three particular chicks that were friends, that we noticed. They weren't our friends la. They were friends with each other. We noticed them seperately but they were all friends. Quite chun. Then another girl in green, my height, was really cute. But most likely chinese ed, so the chances of me saying hi, and her saying "Ni Hao Ma" was pretty high. Damnit. So anywayz, we saw her at this necklace shop that sold some bracelets i have. I bought a cool pair of shades. I love them. I also bought two shirts. It would've been 3 but i changed my mind la. Quite nice. One from a shop called "Catch Up" and one from Romp. Nice la. So anywayz, after all that, we go back to ching loongs place for a sleep over. Haha. It was pretty fun. The usual la. Talk abt skool. Friends. More that friends. Ppl we know. Ppl we miss. Chun girls obviously. Hahahah. Quite fun. But i fell asleep before all of them. I slept in mid conversation at abt 2.30 and they slept four hours later. Then they woke up before me, and I woke up at like 12.05. Hahhaa. Cool... I slept the longest. Still tired though.
So after i wake up nothing much happens la. I took some pics of myself in my new shirt and in my shades. Nice. Ooh and i took one with a guitar. Ching Loong's one. He even showed me a cord to play. But i have no idea how to play a guitar. Hahahaha. Yeah well now that almost covers my title. The scary movie, the sleep over and of course the guy talk which no sleep over would be complete without. So abt the revelation. I have made a discovery. I miss Vivienne and I love her. I love her so much...
I am actually thinking abt 3 lines from a game. Warhammer 40,000; Dawn of War. Three lines that particularly stand out in this game are as follows:
1. Hope is the first step on the road of dissapointment
2. There is no such thing as innocence. Only degrees of guilt.
3. Even a man with nothing, can still give his life.
Well I don't know la but it all makes sense. Kinda. I'll sum up the lessons or meanings (my point of view hehe) or examples la, if i can't give u the meaning.
1. Don't be hopeful, you'll just end up being screwed over.
2. No one's really innocent... example... MAX!!! Hahahahha.
3. You can never have nothing till ur dead.
Kinda true, kinda weird. Maybe? Definately weird... But maybe true in a way la. All i know is, you can never be happy forever. Thats the sad part. But the good part is, that means you can't be sad forever either. Think abt that. That's wat has gotten me through this year and wat will take me through 2005.
Remember Avenue Q!!!! For now.
"Take a breath, swallow your pride, for now. But only for now."
"Don't stress,
Relax,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!"
Hehe. True right? Have a happy new year. I'm gonna try and not let anything get me down. But even if it does, it'll only be for now...
What I said
"Today ar? Oh ok. I'll be there la"
What I wanted to say
"WHAT?!?! FUCK!!!! OK OK. I'LL BE THERE SOON!!!"
Hahaha. Well anywayz i go to call my parents up and it seems they weren't too happy abt such last minute thing but then again its my fault. *sigh* So anywyaz they said they'll be back in 20mins to 1/2 an hour. Till then, I'm suppposed to go change. So off I go to change. I get ready then the phone rings. Its my mom. "Errr.. boy, we're stuck in a jam" (CRAP) "And I don't think that we'll be back by 1.30" (DOUBLE CRAP) "So you better find your own transport."
Aiyah... So anywyaz I run to the nearest bus stop and then my mom calls and tells me they're ten minutes away. Yay! So I get a ride to the LRT and off I go to KLCC. Good news is I got there in time. Bad news is I thought it was at 2 and 5. But its only at 2 and the 5 is only on X'mas eve. So gotta tell my parents again... *sigh.... my fault again. So anywayz I go have lunch with Sha and Brenda. Ooh Brenda paid for my food. Yay! So anywayz, after free food at A&W's I take an LRT back home. It gets pretty boring from here but when i got home I had an e-mail from Valentine. She's going away tomorrow and I wrote her a poem yesterday. Its on my blog. "Too Late". That one. Tell me what you think of it. Cos I sent it to her, so basically same story la, she doesn't feel the same way, she's sorry... basically the story of my life la. I have a very depressing love life truth to tell. *sigh... Anywayz, I'm really gonna miss you Val and I won't forget you. Hope you return the favour. Hehe =) Remember all of us (the ykls) whenever you're feeling down or whenever you need a good laugh. Or just remember us for the hell of it. Amigos Para Siempre Val... Never forget. Amigos Para Siempre...
P.S
For you idiots who don't know what it means, it means "Friends for Life". I decided on the more mature version cos i didn't wanna get girly and say "friends 4eva...." damn lame wei. Saying it in a more mature way and in a foreign tongue always seems to make ppl think you're more sophisticated. Hahaha.
A simple prayer from one in anguish.
Give me the chance i threw away.
Let me live again this day.
Give me the chance for me to say,
What she meant to me after that day.
That I to her may be a friend.
That my love for her would never end.
Let me share my words with her.
The words that she could never hear.
Let me tell her what i feel,
Let me see if it is real.
I threw away the chance today,
The one chance i had to say,
I love you now and forever I'll wait...
But she's already gone... and the words come too late...
Well anywayz, the point I'm trying to make is that I'm in a pretty fucked up mood so I apologise to everyone that i may have pissed off today. And hangover's suck. I planned to wake up early to some movie like plan of going up to a friend to tell her I'm in love with her. Yeah corny but that was the general plan. Its just that I didn't take into account getting wasted and passing out... *sigh. I did however take into account the fact that she deff does not feel the same way abt me, and the fact that she might not even want to listen or she may have thought I'm some complete loser. Anywyaz, i've just read another blog and I think that it has inspired me to write this post.
Pride... Thats what struck a nerve when I read the other blog. Pride has been a very important thing to me. The clothes I wear. The way ppl look at me. The way ppl see me (no short jokes, not in the mood, I'll shove a beer bottle up ur ass if anyone so much as mentions the word "short"). Well like i said, pride is important to me. And probably to a lot of other ppl too. I want to say it in person but I have to say it somewhere before i get to talk to you again... Jade I'm sorry.
The conversation started off wrongly and everything from there was just fucked up. I did overreact and so i admit that part. You had a right to be angry. But never believe even for a minute, that you had the right to say the things you did. I never hurt you intentianally. Never. You always want to get back at someone that hurt you, and somehow i hurt you without knowing it or meaning to do so. And you said things that hurt me. I've been reading the conversation over and over again. I can't stop thinking abt what i could've done to stop it. There were so many chances where i could've stopped the whole thing and i didn't so I'm partially at fault here. But I will not take whole blame for this. We were both more than a little stupid whether you choose the see it that way or not. Its only the truth.
I just want to say that I'm sorry for everything i said. It was all partially true and things I've been facing for the past month or so. I'm sorry on my part. I'm not sure what you're feeling but I won't say that I don't care. I do. More than you think. I just think that pride is important, but to a certain point. And this is way past that point. It hurt when I lost myself. It hurt when I almost lost a friend for awhile. But it doesn't compare when I've lost someone i never had. Someone I care abt. Someone I love... I refuse to let something like this stop me from telling you how i feel. And I will. Just give me half the chance. I'll take everything you may say to me. Be it good or bad. I'm ready to let you tell me that you don't feel the same. I'm ready for the time where you'll tell me that you're not the one for me. I'm ready for you to tell me to forget abt you. I'm ready if you never want to talk to me or see me again. I'll take it. Everything. Anything. Just give me the chance to tell you. Just hear me out. Just let me tell you I love you....
Angels won't you hear my cry?
Catch me as I fall and die.
What good are wings if you can't fly?
What good is anything if you don't try?
Won't you hear a desperate plea?
Of one that thought you enemy?
Of one that never cared of late.
What can't be changed or ruled by fate.
Will you leave when I need you most?
Will you fade from sight as mist or ghost?
Help me my friend, I need you here.
Stay with me please, my love... my dear...
~Of Angels and Lovers- Written by Aaron... me!!! Hahaha. Cool title ya?
(If you have idea's for a better title tell me)
Tell me what you think la... its just something i thought of. Took me longer than i thought though. Most things in the poem mean something. And they may have more than one meaning or referance. So just tell me what you thought abt it and what do you think it means.
LtesodqvhsEsquphdouczRsjTqps, fjIfiutLjkosaVawEsyzXYscoequqtjazVshAsiLsaecvnbTscIsvNcvsE
1. Its my parents la... they're so goddamn lenient...
2. I'm aaron la... How could they say no to me..? HAhahaha
Well I've been in KLCC alot for the past two days.. had to go carolling. It was fun la. Seeing some of the guys again was really good. I'm gonna miss them so much!!! Ahhh!! I hope there's at least one hot person I don't know that comes to the audition... then I can say hi. Hehe. Act like one of the regulars. Haha. Oh everybody has to listen to Avenue Q!!! It rocks!!! Hahaha. I knwo the ykls is probably sick of it already la cos they played it so much. But I'm not!!! Learn the songs man and then we'll sing it one day!!! HAhaha. Newayz, I gtg so ciaoz.
Then after the performance we had a few other recordings and if i can get them i will... I mean, its the last time we were all together and the last time anyone would hear us like that... its a moment in my life I never want and never will forget... Ian was right, the YKLS have made an impact and have changed me and I thank them for that. I'll miss you guys. And if you're reading this, Thank you Susanna...
My old skool mates are having their anual gathering, its abt the only time of the year where we all get together annoy the fuck out of each other then go our own seperate ways so for obvious reasons i'm not exactly looking forward to it. Plus some of my old skool mates who are older than me, mind you, are the most childish bastards on the face of the earth. God they still laugh like 6 year olds when they hear the word sex, now come one ppl. So stupid. And they have this annoying habbit of reminding me of height since...or i don't know, standard 1?! I mean honestly i don't really mind it as a one or two time joke. I mean even I make fun of meself sometimes, and i get a nice share of that from the YKLS too but thats all fun. My friends on the other hand repeat it over and over and over again... its like they don't have anything else to say. Sheesh can't they just get a life? Honestly if they annoy me like that again I'll just walk out. Its so friggin annoying. But I don't mind ppl in Stella Maris or the YKLS doing it cos they don't do it all the time... well they kinda do la, but they stop after awhile, its like a side joke so that ok.
Hmmm... Nothing else seems to be coming to mind. Oh! I'm having an open house thingy on Christmas, morning till night, so come la. Everyone's invited. Sms me, post something on my tag board or just ask me for the details, like my hse add and stuff. Errr... wat else? I seem to be forgetting something... But can't remember, so screw it la. Performance should be fun. Everyone is prob gonna go crazy after everything is over as usual according to old members, the YKLS has a very... unique way of celebrating. Oh speaking of YKLS celebrations, there's some gathering thingy for Valentine cos she's leaving. Not a celebration la, haha. oops? Sorry Valentine. God I hope she's not reading this. Hahaha.
I find it interesting for a french girl to come to m'sia then migrate to Australia. Wonder when she's gonna go back to france. Hmmm... This brings up a very interesting point for me. Migrating. Come to think abt it i wouldn't want to migrate. I mean goiung to another country for a week or two would be cool but i would really miss my friends... Can't imagine migrating... I would die if i migrated. Hahaha. No la, but I would really miss my friends. Ooh! Speaking of missing. Gonna miss Valentine too.
She seems nice. Never really talked much with her though. Or at all. Hahaha. But she seems nice. Gonna miss you. Come to think abt it i find this weird too. I'm gonna miss someone i never really talked to. I spent more time reading then talking to her. Haha, and that's saying something. Oh well. May be weird but gonna miss her and now starting to regret not really talking to her. *sigh* Maybe I should start? Haha. Better late than never. Besides, from past experiences, ppl i never really talked to, well i started talking alot once they migrated. Namely, Michelle! Haha. She was from Malaysia too. And hardly ever talked to her when she was here. Now, whoa.... phone bill gonna kill la.. Haha. Come to think abt it, Michelle went to Australia too... freaky. Haha. Well I don't know, maybe I'll be a better friend to Valentine once she's dunno how many bloody thousand miles across the friggin ocean. But i guess i should start in M'sia shouldn't I? Haha. Well I'm sleepy so I'm going to sleep. G'nite. Tomorrow, I make an effort to actually say more than "hi" and "bye" to Valentine. Hahaha. Lame but *sigh* wat to do? Goodnight.
>>