I
miss
you!
Navigations above *points up*
I was born to tell you I love you...
I'm sorry I took so long...
for my baby;
Lady of perfection,
Do not be afraid.
You are not alone.
You have me to share your bed.
Lay the bed and set it up,
In crimson or in white.
Lay you down as so do I,
In brilliant blinding light.
If death comes for you.
Let it take me too.
Without you there is no life.
For I have life in you.
Woot! Here's to a good weekend. I haven't seen this site in ages... I'm hoping to be able to bring it back to life. My parents went to Sibu for the weekend and of course this meant freedom for me and william, especially since william can drive, ONLY in Melawati *wink wink* Hehe. So on Friday we met up with ALOT of old friends. First of was Kevan. Now with all this time i think that NONE of us have changed. Seriously. He looks the same! Come to think of it I look the same! William, Darren, Billy, Jitz, THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! Anyway, we met up with Kevan in Setiawangsa, brought his ass back to Melawati and there he began to lecture me abt smoking. Hahaha. Same old Kevan, just for notes, I'm a social smoker, not a chain smoker. Anyway back to the story, same old Kevan... or issit? That bastard smokes Sampoerna! Another cigg brand. Hahaha.
So off we go to the mamak to get food and cigg's. We get back home and go out back to 'breathe'. It is now that i realize that William has quite a sissified way of smoking. Hahaha. He smokes like a drag queen! HAHAH! This then leads to an exhange of lame jokes between me and Kevan. Hahaha. William hates them but I love them and so does Kevan apparently. Hahaha.
We got ready, and went off to The Curve for the battle of the bands, quite well dressed I must say. We were overdressed for the occasion though. OOH! A fight broke out between these two guys and the guards! DAMN funny! They taking chairs and umbrella wanna go fight!!! Hahaha. Damn entertaining. The Battle of the Bands sucked though. They've got good players la... just bad singers. We went to Hartamas pretty soon after for drinks. We went to The Blackhole. It was the soft opening and the person in charge named Stanley got us a free jug. He's the owner's brother. I had a screwdriver... pretty good. Kevan got damn high. Damn funny. The rest of the night was Counter strike, lots of smoking and before all of that, Indo mee. Which was really really good. I'm telling you the alcohol has something to do with it. We ended up going home at wat..... 6? Hahaha. It was a good weekend.
Sorcrates believed that all men and women were created with common logic system. Now up till about 10 minutes ago i thought so too... BUT NO! YOU HUMAN'S HAVE FUCKED IT UP! You absolutely REFUSE to see reason! You paranoid bags of shit! You question and question and heap tons upon tons of stress onto someone and when they point out to you that your actions are detrimental you're struck by a sudden lack of linguistic understanding or you've suddenly been struck deaf, then as miraculously as you were struck deaf, you now have short term memory and just repeat what you've been saying.
You SAY that you can't be blamed and there's no reason to get angry with you... There are PLENTY of reasons to get angry with you. And maybe if you reached up your ass and yanked out your brain, you'd be able to comprehend that! You need to take your fukcing eyeballs out and turn them around to get a good good look at what the hell you are.
A bag of shit on two legs, with brains up your ass, a mouth spouting bullshit, ears that never work and stupidity and denial in its most purest form.
I had to to this kind of survey thing for my sister in law yesterday, basically just your thoughts and stuff so i thought I'd post it. I may have gotten just a tad bit carried away. Anyway, I proudly present to you Aaron's thoughts on....:
Technology
Without technology I would definitely feel somewhat handicapped. From the simple things like being able to be in contact with other people through a hand phone to the information needed for college at the tip of my fingers through the internet. I’d definitely feel less than capable without technology.
Relationships
Relationships, like everything else depend on the situation. I have boundaries, but if I feel strongly enough, I would cross those boundaries in a heartbeat. As with everything else, if you want something badly enough, you’ll work to achieve it. Age to me is not a factor. What is age but a number? I know people younger than me with more mental capacity to understand love than others who are 10 years my senior. Everyone has the capability to get involved and to even fall in love. Who are we to limit it to ‘adults’ and I use the term loosely. I believe strongly that I have found the one for me, and for that one person, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.
Cool/Uncool
I personally hate the branding of cool and uncool. In my opinion, cool and uncool are just ideas and a fantasy that insecure people have created to make themselves feel better about their lives. This false idea of cool and uncool is the absolute opposite of what makes us individuals. I like what I like. And I pity the cows that follow what other people deem cool and the ‘in’ thing. Cool to me is being yourself, it may not appeal to anyone but that’s the only original thing we can really claim.
Friends
Friends are the backbone of my life. Without them, I would be nothing. A persons character and values can be determined by those he or she places around him or herself.
Travel
I would love to travel the whole of Europe. The countryside is beautiful and full of a vast history that I believe I can now cherish as I am not 4 years old anymore.
Education
My degree and future masters will be in Writing and Acting. I hope to posses a minor in musical theatre.
Responsibilities
It depends on the situation, using personal judgment I would have to weight the outcome and see which demands more attention, responsibility of myself or other people or maybe even both.
Family
My family plays a dual roll in my life. I love my family. And no matter what happens, no matter how much they drive me crazy, or I them, we’re still a family, and where would we be without them?
Food
I’m a Malaysian!!! Food is my LIFE! I love lots of kinds of food but of course I have my preferences. Hmmm… as for my cravings I’d have to say Italian food and hot tappas.
National pride
I can’t really say much about this as I have lots of problems with my nation. What can I say? It isn’t perfect, but its home… for now.
Pain
Pain is an essential part of everyone’s life. There is no greater joy than the great relief after going through some form of pain be it physical, emotional or mental. Body piercing and tattoos are fine by me.
Role models
Hmmm… my role model… My lecturer, Rey Buono. He quoted someone before and I can’t quite remember who but he said something to the effect of “all life owes you is one good teacher and one good friend” and I can honestly say, in him, I found both.
Religion
Religion… hmmm… there’s a duality in this as well. As much as I am a theatre person and care to look at religion including my own from the outsiders perspective, I can’t help but revert back to what has been grounded into me since birth. In this sense, I stand nowhere. Right smack in the middle of religious and secular belief. In the middle of these metaphysical threshold of liminality.
Money
Money is for buying what you need or want. I find the phrase “money doesn’t buy happiness” almost as interesting as a famous person whom I cannot recall once say “the person who said money can’t buy happiness just didn’t know where to shop”. Money to me is definitely needed for survival, but it is most definitely not anything or I wouldn’t be pursuing my current career path.
Music
I’m an eclectic listener. Meaning to say I like music in general. From oldies, to classics, to hip hop, to soul, r&b, pop, musical theatre.
Politics (world views)
The Malaysian political scene is much too petty. The Malaysian press misquote and blow things way out of proportion to sell a newspaper. A clear example would be when Sharifah Amani made a passing comment that she sounded better in English because speaking in bm made her sound stupid. The entire press jumped at this and so did a large amount of close minded Malaysians when all she was saying that she expressed herself better in English and her limited knowledge and poor speaking skills in bm were so bad that they made her look stupid. Global politics will always be corrupted and one sided, as well as paradoxical and contradictory. They only want what’s best for themselves and their own country, and with that they hide behind the façade of justice and equality and the general good. I’m an optimist or a pessimist depending on my moods. My future will be… BRIGHT!
Ambitions and dreams
I want to be an actor and a lecturer. I dream of stardom and recognition. My wildest dream is for me to be with the girl I love, to be happy and to have love.
Entertainment
I watch Japanese animation. A lot of movies are now getting shitty, so I find myself content with cartoons and the like.
Values
I believe in fighting for what you believe in. I hope that everyone can understand what being an individual really is and I want everyone to be happen with they way they are. I believe in myself.
Holy Michael Archangel, defend us on the day of battle; protect us against the snares, wickedness and tempations of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray and do thou, O! Prince of the Heavenly Host by the Power of God thrust down to hell satan and all evil spirits that prowl this world seeking the ruination of souls.
Amen.
God who created all has power over all. Satan and the demons of hell hold no power over us except what we grant him. Our weakness becomes his strength. I command you in the name of Jesus to depart.
My mind is racing with thoughts and emotions... I don't know what to think or feel right now... I feel... everything at once... anger, frustration, love... I wanna kill something. Give me a gun, I'd shoot myself at this point... God... Fuck. Swear swear swear... profanity... fuck...
This has been happening so many nights already i swear i feel like im dying little by little... These are the nights tat are eating away at me, at my sanity... I need... her.... now... now goddamnit... if this happens one more time i swear i'll die...
i can't take this... my mind is talking to me again... i can hear it. Fuck... and all i can do is hear... cos when i listen, there's nothing... I'm going crazy... And she's the only one tat can help... sayang... i need you rite now... i need you so badly...where are you.............?
Don't you hate it when you're angry at something... then you realize that you're actually angry at someone and that someone is yourself? What do you do with that anger? I find it impossible to forgive myself... I want so much to get rid of it... so much so that I want to direct it to someone else and immediately my brain starts justifying that newly directed anger... then a split second later I realize what I'm doing and I just get even more angrier at myself... I can hear myself say "Aaron you cowardly asshole..."
And I can still hear it... And it won't stop... it won't stop...
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